Light
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Future fic. Ward loves his newborn daughter, but he refuses to hold her in case he ruins her like he does everything else he touches.


**I don't own Agents of SHIELD and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

From the moment Skye had told Grant she was pregnant, he had been living in fear. He had no clue what to do with a baby. For fuck's sake, he was a murderer and a traitor (one who's been forgiven, but that's beside the point). How is he supposed to be a good influence on his child when he can barely do anything right? But he put on a brave face and plunged full speed ahead into helping his girlfriend during her pregnancy. He was relieved when the others supported them and there'll be never enough words to thank them for that. And two hours earlier, their daughter had finally made her entrance into the world. And as much as he wanted to, Grant couldn't pick Caroline up. He couldn't ruin her just like he had ruined everything else he touched. He loved both of them so fucking much, but he'd know he'd screw this up. He was guaranteed to fail. He was thankful Skye was still sleeping – labor had taken a lot of her – and that their daughter was currently asleep in her little bed thingy – incubator? Grant didn't think that was right, however. And while he was starving, he wasn't about to leave their sides. Skye and Caroline needed him to protect them. HYDRA had fallen, but they were still lurking in the shadows.

A knock on the door. "Come in!" he whispered.

Coulson and Melinda stepped in. "We're here to visit. Wanted to finally meet little baby girl Ward." Melinda had been looking forward to this the minute she realized Skye was pregnant.

"I can already tell she's beautiful," Coulson whispered.

Gran grinned. "Thanks. And we'd like to officially introduce you to Caroline Lydia Ward."

"Can I hold her?" Melinda couldn't hold back on her eagerness to play with Skye and Grant's daughter anymore.

He chuckled. "Go ahead."

She gently scooped the baby up and cooed at the newborn. Grant and Coulson looked at her in surprise. "Don't look at me like that. I plan to spoil her rotten." And now that Melinda was holding Caroline, she really didn't want to let her go.

Grant watched them and wished he could hold his daughter like that. He'd work himself up to it eventually, but now was not the time. "Skye was so strong," he murmured.

"We knew that before, but you look like you've fallen in love with her all over again. Congratulations." Coulson pulled him in for a hug, surprising them both.

Grant sunk into it, desperate for the comfort from the man who has a better father figure to him than his own and Garrett. "Thanks."

They pulled apart a few seconds later as Skye's eyes started to open. "You guys fail at whispering."

"Sorry. But we're so proud of you, sweetheart." Coulson walked over to her bed and kissed her forehead.

"She's beautiful, you two." Melinda looked up from Caroline to smile at all of them. Then she turned her gaze to Coulson. "You want to hold her?"

A look of panic came over his face. "I don't hold babies that little and this young."

She snorted. "Well, tough luck. Caroline's going to be joining on the Bus, and you're going to pitch in to help. Remember that vow we all made when Skye and Ward told us she was pregnant?"

Coulson reluctantly opened his arms, and Melinda gently deposited the baby in them. "Wow."

Watching them hold his daughter sparked some jealousy in Grant, but he refused to feel like that for very long. He turned to Skye. "You look better."

"It's amazing how much better you can sleep when a baby isn't kicking you all hours of the day or sitting on your bladder or making you uncomfortable in general." Caroline had been their little surprise, and neither was sure if they wanted another baby in the future. And pregnancy had sucked, especially early on and during the last trimester.

He nodded. He had spent many nights with Skye playing Battleship when she couldn't sleep. He hadn't minded at all, however – he'd do anything for the woman he loved. "Well, we're still not going to get much sleep."

Skye waved her hand around. "Eh, at least we're used to it. And the team can help us out. I know Aunt Jemma has been offering to help us at nights for months."

"When are you getting discharged?" Melinda looked up for a minute.

"The labor went pretty well – it really fucking hurts, let me tell you – and the doctor said we're both healthy. We should be able to get out of here tomorrow." Skye was already sick of hospital food and couldn't wait to go home. Plus, she wanted to be at home with Grant and their daughter. She had been looking forward to this moment ever since the pregnancy test turned positive (well, after she stopped freaking out, that is).

"So, how'd you decide on her name?" Coulson knew Skye and Grant had been arguing over it ever since they learned they were having a little girl.

"I told him that I got final say since I was the one who had to go nine months of pregnancy and pushed his kid out of my vagina. Worked like a charm." Skye smirked and high-fived Melinda.

Grant shrugged. "She got me there. By the way, where are FitzSimmons and Trip?"

"They had to help out on another case, but they're pissed since they wanted to see you," Melinda explained. "Phil, give me the baby back."

Still nervous about dropping, he willingly handed Caroline over. "You look good with her, May."

"I do?" She didn't want children – and didn't regret that decision – but she was perfectly happy spoiling Skye and Grant's daughter.

He nodded and gently kissed her. They had resolved their issues a long time ago and that's when Phil realized one of the true reasons he was so angry with her. They had been together ever since. "We're going to let her everything she wants, aren't we?"

She laughed, careful not to jostle Caroline. "Of course we are."

"This is going to sound rude, but can I please have my baby back?" Skye looked sheepish when Melinda and Coulson turned to face her.

"You weren't rude at all," Melinda assured her as she handed the baby back to her mother.

When Melinda and Coulson left half an hour to give them privacy, Grant sat down on the bed and stared at his family. "You want her?" Skye asked.

He fearfully shook his head. "You look like you're content right now – don't want to ruin that." But he was determined to put off ruining Caroline. She was so innocent and he just wasn't. Grant had to face that fact a long time ago, but his daughter was bringing every insecurity he had ever had back up to the surface.

Skye knew how deep his issues ran and didn't push. Grant would hold her when he was ready – she couldn't scare him into it or it would end badly. "I'm really happy."

"So am I." That was the honest truth. He brushed her hair back. "I am so in love with you."

"Right back at you. And you are perfect, Miss Caroline." The baby opened her eyes and stared up at her mother. She whimpered, but calmed down when Skye shifted her. "You are going to have so much fun with your aunts and uncles. They've been looking forward to meet you, just like we have."

The next morning, the team met Skye and Caroline out front after they were discharged from the hospital. "I know you all want to see her, but don't overwhelm them," Grant warned. He still hadn't held his daughter and the anticipation and fear was making it worse.

"You two make some beautiful babies." Trip looked at them and then hung back so FitzSimmons could see the baby first.

"Thanks." Grant looked so proud of himself they all had to laugh. He glared at them.

"Can I hold her while you get in the car?" Jemma questioned. At Skye's nod, she picked the newborn up and started talking to her.

"Babies are absolutely terrifying," Leo murmured. But he was also looking forward to holding his niece and teaching her everything he knew.

And when they got back to the Bus, the new family of three settled into their room and watched Caroline sleep. "She really doesn't do much." Babies were actually kind of boring, but Grant knew that wouldn't last long.

"Grant! You're right, but rude." Skye couldn't wait to see the personality their daughter developed. Would Caroline be more like her or her father? Or a mixture of both? That would be an interesting combination in a child.

When the baby woke up crying several times that night, Grant let Skye get her – Caroline needed her more anyway, but that wasn't the only reason. He already knew that Caroline would grow up to hate him – how could she not? – and wanted to put it off for as long as possible. "Guess we're going to have to get used to this." He was glad Coulson had forced them to sit out missions for the next few months, but a job would have been a nice distraction right now. And once Skye figured out he was avoiding their daughter, she'd be disappointed in him and probably leave. She'd never let Grant see either of them again, and he desperately wanted to avoid them. He couldn't lose them. Skye had been the main reason he turned against HYDRA and Garrett. She had convinced him that he didn't need to be this way. And while Grant had scoffed at that – he wasn't some weak little boy – he had given in.

"Yup. Should be fun!" As much as Skye hated the lack of sleep, she didn't mind (yet, anyway). She could also see that Grant was falling into the dark hole and wanted to prevent that. She couldn't let that happen again.

He kissed her and then fell asleep. When Skye went to take a shower a week later, the baby started crying. "That's her cry for attention! Grant, can you get her? She'll stop once you pick her up."

Grant looked at the baby so fearfully that Trip jumped in. "I got her!" he called. He picked Caroline up and she stopped crying immediately.

"Thanks, man." Grant hated himself more and more every day he didn't hold his daughter. And he knew Skye was exhausted and needed his help, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It made him hate himself even more, something he didn't think was possible.

"No problem. I love spending time with Caroline." Trip had grown to trust the other man, but he was pissed at Ward for avoiding his responsibilities. He hoped he snapped out of whatever this was soon and stepped up to the plate.

And that's when Jemma swooped in and sat down next to them. "I came to steal Caroline for a half hour since I'm free."

"You want to go see Aunt Jemma? Yes, you do! What have I turned into around babies?" Trip passed her over and went to get something to eat.

"Don't listen to Uncle Trip, little one. You have the ability to turn anyone who meets you into mush." Jemma started having a conversation with her, and Grant was glad his daughter had this many people that loved her. She needed that since she couldn't – wouldn't – get that from him. He was far too broken at this point to be what Skye and Caroline needed. Everybody knew it too.

When Grant went to bed that night, Skye stayed up to talk to the others. "I'm worried about him."

"He's terrified out of his mind and is reacting the only way he knows how. You can't push him." Melinda wished he'd step up to the plate soon, but he'd only freak out even more.

"You should have a talk with him. It might help." Fitz smiled when everyone turned to look at him.

Coulson leaned back and sighed. "He's been through a lot more than most people. Ward might snap soon, and we can't let that happen. We need to figure out a way to get him to hold Caroline."

"If it doesn't happen soon, I'm just going to drop her in Grant's arms and run away." Skye would do it too.

Jemma laughed. "Sorry, that just created an interesting image in my head," she explained.

Trip and Fitz joined in a few seconds later. "You should try it. Couldn't hurt," Fitz told Skye.

Another week passed, and Grant still hadn't held his daughter. He felt guiltier by the day. And he saw Skye becoming more and more unhappy, but nothing he attempted helped.

Caroline was three weeks old when John Garrett made a move for the first time in years. He and two other HYDRA agents stormed the bus, intending to kill everyone on board. He waved his knife around. "Where are you, Ward? I have some unfinished business with you. Show yourself, you fucking coward!"

When Grant heard his voice, it brought back a ton of bad memories. Knowing that Caroline was asleep in his and Skye's room and that was no one was with her, he bolted that way and picked the baby up without thinking. He would die to protect her, he knew that. Carefully holding his daughter in one arm, he held a gun in his other and hoped the others were okay. When his daughter started whimpering, he tried desperately to quiet her down. "You're okay, Caroline. Daddy's not going to let anyone hurt you, but you need us to stay hidden."

"We're going to make sure you pay for betraying us. We know about your daughter, Ward. She's going to die, just like her bitch of a mother!" Garrett was getting impatient now.

And Grant saw red. When he heard gunshots, he made sure the baby was secure and rushed to make sure that none of the team had gotten hurt. He practically sagged in relief when he saw Garrett dead on the ground. He looked up at Skye. "You got him?"

She nodded. "I got him. You two okay?"

Grant looked down at Caroline. "Carly and I are fine."

Skye was confused by the new nickname, but didn't say anything about it. "Well, you sit down. You look like you're about to pass out, Ward. The rest of us will take care of the bodies."

His knees about to give out, he could only nod and sat down in a chair with Caroline – Carly – still in his arms. "This isn't so bad," he whispered in surprise.

Melinda and Coulson, who had showed up only a few seconds earlier, smiled happily at each other. "Don't worry about anything," Coulson said.

When Skye came back, she found Grant in the same position, talking to the baby as tears slid down his cheeks. She had actually been expecting this for a while so it didn't surprise. She sat down next to them. "You okay now that you've held her?"

He looked up. "I am so fucking sorry, Skye. I was scared, and I should have trusted that I would be okay holding her. But I know I'm going to ruin her like I did everything else I touch. I've already screwed everything up. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. How can I be a good father? I'm a murderer, a traitor, a worthless piece of shit."

She looked at him in horror. "Grant, no. You've been trying your hardest to make up for your past, and you've earned our trust and forgiveness. Look at Caroline – she loves her daddy. And I have no clue what I'm doing either. We're learning as we go. The team loves us and is willing to do anything to help as much as possible." He had that look in his eyes that meant he was about to check out, and she couldn't let that happen. "Look at me," Skye ordered.

Grant did. "I love you. Both of my girls mean the world to me. You're the light to my darkness, you know that?"

She practically melted right there and then. "You're lucky because I love you too. You good holding her?"

He nodded. "I can't put her down now that I've picked her up." He laughed, but it sounded broken.

Skye knew he needed to see the SHIELD therapist at the Hub next time they landed, but didn't bring it up yet. She snuggled in next to her boyfriend and their daughter instead. "At least Carly loves the attention."

Grant couldn't stop staring. "She really does." He couldn't wait to find out more about her. Careful not to jostle the baby too much, he kissed her. They made out with her in between them for a few seconds, and surprisingly, Carly didn't protest at all.

And after that day, Grant and Carly got along really well. He felt so guilty he took over caring for the baby at night – an exhausted Skye was thankful for that. And while Grant had so many issues – he'd never be fully over them – he started to improve. With the love of his life and their daughter by his side, Grant Ward could rise above his past.

And just five weeks later, he and Skye married in a small ceremony. Only their team attended. Grant dipped her as soon as they were officially husband and wife. She laughed in delight. "This was perfect."

He kissed her again. "It is." The team, Skye, and Carly meant everything to him. And for the first time in his life, Grant was truly happy.


End file.
